Becoming a mother

by Liz Pevytoe, RN, IBCLC

Here is another story I thought you might like:

Twelve days had passed since the birth of my daughter. And on November 29, 2000 I hit a wall. Exhausted was not the word for it. I remember it like it was yesterday:

I was trembling on this inside from fatigue. I kept thinking " I just need a break". I walked passed the mirror in the bathroom and was started by the sight of myself. It had been days since I last washed my hair, the pony tail trick was not going to work much longer. My eyes were bloodshot and my dark circles had dark circles. I was wearing shorts and a a nursing bra, no top. Somewhere in the middle of the night I tossed the top off, it was simply too much work for the every 1.5 hour breastfeeding sessions. Speaking of feedings every 1.5- 2 hours for two weeks was taking its toll on me. Not to mention, I started this marathon of sorts with 18 hours of hard labor.

My days and nights consisted of feeding, diapering and repeating. I no longer ate, slept, bathed or did anything really when I wanted to: it all revolved around my precious child , of whom I waited 5 long years to have.

But still I was tired and hungry AND TIRED. Did I already say that?

Soon my husband made it home from work and I quickly handed off the baby to him. I explained I needed some time to myself. I prepared a hot bath, lit some candles and slid down into the blissful bubbles. I soaked in the warmth, began to relax and no sooner, I felt an ache in my heart and thought, " I sure miss my sweet girl". Then I started to cry. I needed those few moments to realize that I did not need the me time like I used to. Sometime during those two weeks of nonstop feedings , I changed. My world changed. I lost everything I knew: my routine, my control, and sometimes my sanity. But in losing me, I found my inner mommy. And she is the one who gets the job done. I am glad I found her, and so are my kids. Yes, I did it all over again some 4 years later and loved every sleepless minute of it.

SBI!